PREMIER LEAGUE POWER RANKING MATCH DAY 4

Phew. This was probably the most insane gameweek of Premier League football since Eric Cantano channelled his inner Jet Li, at least in terms of the buzz it generated. Weekends like these are exactly what Twitter was created for. Between Lamela getting slapped so hard by Martial he had to play with a *broken* cheekbone, Villa actually scoring 7 against Liverpool with 3 deflected goals, Saint Maximin having the Burnley defense on some sort of twist and twirl voodoo before he scored; it was an entirely an amazing week for football. There are simply no words to describe properly what we just witnessed. For historical purposes, it's only fair every 4th of October is celebrated, preferably by playing all professional games without a goalkeeper to help try to replicate the score lines we witnessed.

Now onto the power rankings for the week. Before the Liverpool game I already tweeted the power rankings of the week would be very interesting. Last week a lot of players were barely clinging to their spots. This week? Gaps have widened albeit invisibly. Players have dropped out entirely. Players have risen *without playing*. 

See for yourself.

But first a reminder of the rules

 With this power ranking series, I'll be answering that question. The rules are simple. 

• Every player started on a level playing field so only this season's performances count

• Players are grouped into 7 positions namely goalkeeper, centre back, right back, left back, centre/defensive midfielder, attacking midfield/wide forward and striker based on where they've played this season. 

• Players need to have played at least 50% of the minutes available to be considered for ranking.

Remember this is not a ranking of this weeks performances. That'll make for awkward reading. All performances for this season are considered.

GOALKEEPERS

In a week where goalkeepers might have been just have been as useful sitting in the stands as they were in goal. Jokes aside, goalkeepers had a torrid time but there were some impressive performances. Emi Martinez finally conceded, that those 2 goals will need heavy context. Guita conceded 4 albeit 2 penalties. Alisson rises primarily because Schmeichel was not particularly great again the Hammers, despite not playing. Darlow and Fabianski continue their rises. Pickford? He was only that high because Luton were a Carabao Cup game. All he had to do was to avoid doing that in the league but no. He couldn't. Patricio comes in after his quiet though steady performance for his second clean sheet.

CENTRE BACKS

If goalkeepers had a torrid time, then very few team actually played with center backs especially on Sunday. Maguire marking and fouling Shaw then appealing for the foul with Shaw subtly is the summary of a lot of defensive performances. Mings moves to the top with Keane just behind. Neither was particularly dominant but few options make any sense. Soyuncu was poor against West Ham as was Van Djik and his band of merry high line keepers. Kouyate struggled against Chelsea but Sahko was a contender for worst individual performance in history (before 4:30pm on Sunday at least). Ndidi is out for at least a month and Webster was not on it. Ogbonna and Balbuena have impressed in West Ham's recent games and come in. As well as Zouma who looked solid and has as many goals this season as Bruno 'Hotshot' Fernandes (Petty stat but that's more an indictment on United than my path)

RIGHT BACKS AND RIGHT WING BACKS

Brighton were already down but we can speculate that Lamptey would have helped in that second half. But he keeps his spot partially because Trent and Castagne who were closest to overtake him were on the wrong side of thrashings and partially because Cash and Coleman were further away and have closed the gap without threatening. James didn't play and Ayling while Sterling toyed with him at times is the only player on the list to concede 1 goal this weekend. 

LEFT BACKS AND LEFT WING BACKS

Digne is opening a chasm between him and the rest of the left backs in the league with Justin standing on the edge after the foxes were hammered (gore scene but good pun, I'm proud of the pun). Dallas was impressive against City, his miss aside. Robertson was not exactly the worst player on the field but he did concede 7. Mitchell conceded a silly penalty and he definitely can improve on that outing against Chelsea. While he conceded 4, left backs of quality that qualify for the ranking (I'm looking at you Chillwell. Sure you couldn't have started last week, mate?) is concerning (Sahko's stinker might have helped too)

Targett might have been in the team that scored 7 but he was tormented by Salah. March drops out with Bertrand stepping in after another solid display from the *Champions League winner*.

CENTER/DEFENSIVE MIDFIELDERS

Honestly down the middle of the park those that have been on fire were all drenched for this gameweek. The result? Allan rises despite being injured. Tielemans wasn't terrible but while they were getting hammered (excuse the pun) he was far less influential. Similar with Fabinho who eventually placed centre back and conceded 3 from there too. Kalvin Phillips was immense against City so he's up too. Klich less so and he drops accordingly. Doucoure and McGinn were extremely well and important cogs in high scoring victories for both their sides. Declan Rice breaks into the list with his deep passing delivering a heavy blow (I'm too good at these puns). McAuthur was not at his best at the Bridge and Hourihane wasn't allowed to run riot against Liverpool so the score wouldn't reach double figures. 

ATTACKING MIDFIELD/WIDE FORWARDS

In a week were there were so many goals the players in this category had extremely varying performances. The silky Cazoo Colombian, pushed Mane away from top spot with his brace and usual influencial performance against Brighton. Salah too moves up a place too with his 2 goals against Villa having debatable relevance. Son too moves up as he's now top scorer along side a certain Dixie Dean (more on that later). Richarlison's early injury meant he didn't get to score his predetermined hat trick against Brighton seeing him drop. Jack Grealish absolutely bossed Liverpool and the only thing as big as his calves right now was the scoreline. Auba and Barnes didn't meet the high standards they set for themselves earlier. The same can be said about De Bruyne and Bruno both of whom weren't at their best this weekend. Palace's duo of Zaha and Townsend both suffer drops after the Chelsea drubbing. Willian however overcame a difficult start to the Sheffield United game to look almost as classy as his did in his first game. Jarrod Bowen leaps above a lot names with his second impressive goalscoring performance in a row. 

STRIKERS

Nothing to see here, Dixie Dean has been reincarnated and tops the chart (For anyone who's not familiar, Dixie Dean was an Everton striker that scored 60 games for Everton in 39 games). Calvert-Lewin is on fire and under Carlo and Duncan he's going from strength to strength. He's ahead (it's sad if you didn't get that pun) of the others even though Harry Kane is closing down ruthlessly especially with his creative side on view too. Vardy has slowed down predictably after 4 pens. He was outfoxed (hehehe) by Ogbonna. Bamford may not have scored but his performance was more about application. Maupay did having the goalkeeper picking (see what I did there?) the ball out of his net but that was mostly down to Jordan. Lacazette didn't play and nobody thought it was necessary to overtake him considering the performances of those below him. Ings played alright without a goal to show for it. Callum Wilson breaks into the side with his 2 goals, waltzing passed Werner and Jiminez who were both poor this weekend. Watkins too who scored a hat trick against Liverpool (Insert emoji of choice) as well as one assist and would have bagged another goal of he scored his one on one chance. Firmino drops, not out yet, but so very close after the blunt performance against Villa